I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
It's official drugs can't kill me
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
