I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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