I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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