Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
