I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
if only i could text you this smell
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
