Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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