I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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