How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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