a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
