I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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