i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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