Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
