Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Randomize