I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
