can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
You may now shotgun with the bride
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
