I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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