My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
