sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
