Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
