i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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