meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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