he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
