So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
