The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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