my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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