you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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