A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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