i permit you to call me
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
