remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
