You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
