she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
