i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
