I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Every concussion has its silver lining
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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