apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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