Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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