and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
