ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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