YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
