a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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