the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
