I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
