Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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