Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
