dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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