so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
