This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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