so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Randomize
