Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
