Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
