Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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