Why are handjobs necessary in class?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Randomize
