so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
