Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
