I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
