not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
