I bet he comes in French.
I am spending my child support on dildos
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
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