yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
