I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
