bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Drunk is not a location!
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