My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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