I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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