hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
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