I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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