another moral hangover. fuck.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
