Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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