I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
