I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I have already put on my inside pants.
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