This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
