saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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