Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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